If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.