Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.

Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.

Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.