Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.

Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.

The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.

Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same; they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.