Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.

I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.

Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.

I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!