Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.
The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.