I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman.

Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.

Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.

Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.