I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
I've never slept with a virgin, but I love breaking the seal on a new peanut butter.