My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.

A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.