Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.

When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.

This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.

No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.