Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right.

I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.