Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

Being funny is not the same as being happy.