It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

I was an altar boy in the Roman Catholic Church and no priest ever laid a hand on me. That's me, always the bridesmaid.

Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?