It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.

The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I've decided to wait for the circus to come.

When homeless people go camping, how do they know?

Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.

If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.