It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.

Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.

Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.