I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.

One of the coolest things about the word boobs is, when you look at it, it has boobs.

I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.

Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life.

Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?