When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.

If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.

I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.