The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
I was an altar boy in the Roman Catholic Church and no priest ever laid a hand on me. That's me, always the bridesmaid.
My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.