I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.

It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!

Life imitates art but art intimidates life.