Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.

Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike.

Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.