I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

Can you have a seance to summon the ghost of a dead zombie?

I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right.

Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.

In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike.