Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.

The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.

My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.

I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.

Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.