A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

My first open mic was fantastic. I crushed. And my second mic was as bad as my first one was good.

I've never slept with a virgin, but I love breaking the seal on a new peanut butter.

Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.