Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.

Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.

Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.

I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!