Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.
Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.
I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.