Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.

Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be.