Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.

Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.

Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.

Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.