Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman.
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.