The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

In the midst of all the candy and commercialism, let's not lose sight of the true meaning of Halloween: tree worship and animal sacrifice.

When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.

I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?