My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.

I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.

I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!

I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!

Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.

The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.