Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

When homeless people go camping, how do they know?

If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.