A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.

Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?