Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.

Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.

If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.