Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.