Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll die of cancer.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!