Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.

If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.

You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.