Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.

Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.

I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers.