Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

Even if I say, Everyone in the village died of diarrhea, I still laugh a little after diarrhea.

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.

If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.

When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.

The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.