One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?

Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.