One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.