One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea.

Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.

If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be.