One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.

Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.