Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.

If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.