Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.

I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

Marriage is like a row boat: it fits two, it doesn't work on auto-pilot and it's very difficult to have sex in.

Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.