When all the people covered in tattoos turn about 70 years old, they're going to look like a strange race of melting clowns.

The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.

Corn is the only food you hold like corn.

I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.