When all the people covered in tattoos turn about 70 years old, they're going to look like a strange race of melting clowns.

Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.

Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.