The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.

I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!

When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?