I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.