Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.

You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.

If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.