If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.

Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.

Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.

I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?

The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.