If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.

My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.