If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.

I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.

Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.

I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers.