Our grocery store now has self-checkout, for your convenience. It's like getting punched in the throat, for your comfort.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

I once felt bad because I had no shoes, and then I met a man who had no feet. He was wearing an ankle bracelet that kept falling off.

Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.

Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as a stroke of luck. Of course, by luck they mean horrible paralysis.