If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.

We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.

I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.