If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!

Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.

Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.