Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.

Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones.

One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.

In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.

Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.