Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.

The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.