That which does not kill you isn't finished.

Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.

I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers.

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.

Marriage is like a row boat: it fits two, it doesn't work on auto-pilot and it's very difficult to have sex in.

The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.