If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.

If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.

One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.

Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

I'm only afraid of dying if I'm to be held accountable for what I did while living. If there's no God or reckoning, I'm like, whew!