If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.

My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.

If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.

For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.

There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.