If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.

I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

Even if I say, Everyone in the village died of diarrhea, I still laugh a little after diarrhea.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.