The problem with dating a model is they won't go out with you if your cars color doesn't match their outfit.

My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn't their true voice.

When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.

Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.

You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.