Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.

When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.

I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.

My brain is very fantastical. If I ever actually recorded myself, I could probably win a Grammy for sex talk. Being on the road while in relationships, you need to learn to pleasure one another.

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they'll let you know that's not how you do it. They want - if it's comedian, if it's a musician, bring us your best show.