Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.

I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.

You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky.

Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room?

There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.

I'm going to hell, ah... but you're laughing, so you're coming.