When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. When you're headed for a breakthrough moment, it's kind of scary because you say, 'If I break through then I have to make great change in my life.'

My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.

You know what I'd like to be able to do more than anything else? I'd love to be able to shoot spaghetti out of my fingertips. Pppptthhh! Cause no one wants to be covered in spaghetti. No. If I'm on a date with a girl and she's very rude, I'd be like, You know what? Pppptthhh! Enjoy your spaghetti, you're very rude. Enjoy your spaghetti, cause you're rude. Pppptthhh!

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.