When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.

You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.