When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole.

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.

I'm really great in other peoples relationships.

I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering.

I'm going to hell, ah... but you're laughing, so you're coming.