I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering.

Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire.

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.

Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.

I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.