I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting.

I don't like littering and I think it leads to terrorist activities.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.