I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones.

I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.

I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.

When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.