I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.

Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.

Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.