When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.

If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.

I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.

If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.

When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...

If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.

You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole.