Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones.

It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.

Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.

I live my life like there's no yesterday.