I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.

Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.

Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.

You've gotta share what's going on in your mind.