I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.

It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance.

It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.