I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.

It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.

I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.

I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, "If you ever yell at me to "stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go" again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off."

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.