I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.

I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, "If you ever yell at me to "stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go" again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off."

Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.